I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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