Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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