If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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