Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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