does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
