I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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