A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
