Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
