I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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