She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
