Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
