i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
