I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
