Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
