i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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