genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
