i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
