I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
