Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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