I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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