I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
