they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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