That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
