bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
