my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Operation Purity has been aborted
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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