Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
