I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
