Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
