Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
