I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
