Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
