I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it because I queefed?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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