I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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