doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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