just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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