I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
