somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
