Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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