My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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