Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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