I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
