Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize