well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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