A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
