how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
