No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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