Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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