Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
