so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
