my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
