I feel like I'm in dance class right now
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
