grandma shit on top of the toilet
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
