she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
