herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
