My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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