dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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