I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
