Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
