I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
