Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
