My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
