im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
