Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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