Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
