On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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