When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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