My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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