i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
