so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
