There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
