I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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