his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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