I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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