i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
