It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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